Sinmi's Film Review - X-Men 3: The Last Stand
I’ve always found trilogies to be quite crappy, it’s kinda like those porn movies with trilogies…and how would I know? Well, I really doubt that there’s any porn movie with a trilogy…and how would I know that? Well, I don’t know…I’m just saying! Anyway, I’m not here to write about porn movies, but I got to say, x men 3 (The Last Stand) is one movie you’ll miss not watching! And a good thing about it is that you don’t need to have watched the first two in the sequel to actually enjoy it! It’s kinda like the porn movie trilogy; you don’t have to have watched the first two parts to get what’s actually happening…and just in case you’re wondering how I know this…I’m only assuming/predicting, I don’t know; I guess I’m just psychic!
(It seems like I just want to talk about porn here now, so, I’ll just take a break, read my bible and then come back and give you the actual review you so crave…………)
Right… the movie centres round the cure for mutants (the x-men are mutant, for those who don’t know… and I don’t know why you didn’t know…’cos you should’ve known!!). Naturally, this leads to a debate on ‘what’s to cure?!’ … for me, if I was a mutant with super-telepathic powers of control, to do and get about anything I want, I don’t think I’m going to beg to be cured (and that’s ‘cos I’m a good guy with good intentions…nothing else! Just like superman! Well, you can believe that if you believe superman is real!)…but if I was a mutant whose presence causes anyone any major distress, I’ll take the cure! It’s just that simple to me…but those Hollywood movie makers just wanna blow the whole damn thing out of proportion…but I’m cool with that!
The x-men led by the diplomatic Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) are the mutants who use their powers for a good cause- the good of humankind! Then there’s his old ally Eric Lensherr or Magneto (Ian McKellen) who leads the other band of rebel mutants (I think they call themselves the ‘Brotherhood’ or so…but there’s girl s there too! I find it insulting that girls should join a brotherhood… there’s no way I’m gonna join a sisterhood!) The rebel mutants find it an insult that their natural mutation is seen as a disease and buoyed by their leader (magneto) to take a stand and draw first blood, because he despises ordinary humans…well, I don’t have to tell you that a war will suffice! Yeah, there was war, indeed!
Now, in a war with ordinary humans and super-human-mutants, there can only be one winner (don’t kid yourself thinking ‘its ordinary humans’ that’ll win because you are… How arrogant!)… So, it’s now up to the x-men to either show some diplomacy or do what they normally do- fight for the good of humankind! With Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Storm (Halle Berry), Beast (Kelsey Grammer) leading the way among other x-men, I don’t have to tell you how interesting it’ll be! It is indeed interesting! There’s also a twist in the trilogy… one of the deceased x-men, Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) who died in the second sequel returns as Phoenix! She’s much more powerful and too powerful for her own good! Will her super powers be used for the good of humankind still, or will she just take over the world? There’s also many other interesting plots in the movie that I may have failed to tell you…’cos it’s not my job and no one’s paying me to be competent! But if I was to defend myself better, I’ll say Brett Ratner (the director!) could’ve done a better job in developing those plots… he’s not that competent! Other than that, it’s an absolute blockbuster… go watch it, you don’t even need company! Just like those porn movies watched without company (oh, shut up! There ain’t no porn movie you’ve even ever watched!) (Fair enough!)
Translating the movie to my parallel world: I would say, it’s no way right for other people to impose (even create!) certain ‘solutions’ for people who are different to themselves! Be it a difference in sex, race, height, weight, disability…whatever! There’s always going to be some who agree (because they are gracefully peaceful!) and there would be more who could take offence from an outsider trying to straighten their lives! I just can’t help myself, but I’m going to give this example: you know the Boobjob, right? It was indeed a man who came up with the idea! (I still don’t get why!) I guess he felt that God didn’t ‘bless’ some girls with big enough boobs or he just loved big boobs… a true boob guy! Anyway, he did consult a minority of females and they were cool with it…we now have the Boobjob and a couple of girls go for it and more of them frown upon it! As for the boobjob guy (or the boob guy!), he got fame, so much fame, he couldn’t cope and without no hope...I’m just trying to say he’s dead now! (and you guys wouldn’t have thought about him if I hadn’t talked about him!).
The lesson being, if you find the solution to other people’s differences offer it to a small group of them and please don’t share it to the world! It is for them to decide if it’s a problem worth curing.
Sinmi Opeyokun worships at Clapton Park church... Clapton Park
He also reviews Bullet Boy... Film Review and his brother Sunny reviews The Da Vinci Code... Film Review 2